April 11, 2013
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The Secret Life of Laundry
What you’re about to see, may disturb you.
This post is not for the faint of heart.
Not suitable for Neat Freaks, Individuals with OCD, or anyone who is caught up on their laundry.
Once your family reaches a certain level, the clothing can be come unmanageable. No one talks about this. We leave the horror of it alone and pretend like it doesn’t happen to us. We hide it in closets and other rooms when people come over. But the reality is, our lives are being taken over by laundry.
It has a mind of its own. You never know when it might take over your favorite chair. You never know what it will do. You CANNOT control it.
Look, it’s even spreading to that chair next to it. *shudder
It hides things, for very long periods of time. This baby wash cloth, I haven’t seen it anywhere since right after Oliver was born, 2.5 YEARS ago. Then, a couple days ago, BAM. It’s in the dryer. How did it get there?? Where was it hiding?? No one knows.
When we saw the shirt below, our oldest child’s favorite “classic white tee” (that’s what HE calls it), I was beside myself. This is after it came out of the washer and dryer with other clothes. What horror happened in that shirt?? Steven said, “The people on the Walking Dead who have been attacked by Zombies have cleaner shirts than this!”
Also, you realize that clothing makers surely did not design this shirt. You can’t just combine any old thing into one shirt pattern. This must be how the clothing reproduces itself. Two completely different things mate to birth new laundry items when you’re not looking, as evidenced below with the Toy Story shirt, edged in, that’s right, camo print.
Soon, you start finding laundry in unauthorized places. It migrates. It has no reasonable pattern, in fact, it places itself seemingly as if people just took off their clothing and lay it down wherever they were when the idea hit them. As if that would ever happen . . . .
Let this post serve as a warning to you. Laundry is everywhere. It’s alive. You’ve been warned.
Comments (33)
Laundry is one of those never ending jobs. I was lucky that when my mother recently visited our family (first time in about a decade) she washed and hung out every stitch of laundry in the house. It’s all clean, but honestly we don’t have places for it all so we still have folded piles not in a drawer. There were many left over socks without mates, and yes clothing that no longer fit b/c it’d been continuously over looked. I think it’s time to pare down.
It’s like a blob.
Oh man let me tell ya I so understand this and there are only two adults here but some one keeps sneaking in here in the middle of the night when we are sleeping and leaving their dirty laundry.
I tell TD we are either the cleanest people in the world or the dirties. Where does all of these dirty clothes come from.
@ascultafili - That’s exactly right. A blob. This needs to be a horror movie.
@Grannys_Place - I bet your clothing is reproducing when you’re not looking!
I have an electric washer to wash. An electric dryer to dry. I need an electric folder to fold and put away.
@TrentTribe - Yes, it’s the folding and putting away where we stall out.
@aSeriesofFortunateEvents - oh man i think so
I need to get on that birth control for laundry. I’m going to be rich once I am done.
@Erika_Steele - I’d use it.
lol That is true. Early in our traditional marriage my wife had to work part-time and I agreed to do the laundry because I thought it was easy. lol How stupid could I have been. My daughters and wife taught me how with much patience. lol I think it was around 1970 before the Feminist movement started—I was way ahead of the times—a husband doing traditionally a wive’s job. Now I clean the entire house, make the beds, do the shopping, wash the towels and do the dishes.
I was liberated. lol
Loved your post today
frank
This is hilarious! And yes, SO VERY TRUE.
Earlier this year I cleaned out the sock box – where all the extra socks so in after laundry is finished and they have no pair. And after finding pairs for many of them, there will still THIRTY left with no match. Washers are dangerous. They EAT laundry.
@lifeisadance – we have a net bag that hangs on the back of my closet door for the unmatched socks. How do we end up with so many similar, but not exactly the same KIND of sock?!
@HUMOR_ME_NOW – You were ahead of your time!!
socks… as you’ve touched on – where the do all the socks go?!? sockylvania… or the sockahamas… there could be some quantum mechanic flip sock universe…
we went to catholic school during the day and would have to hang up our uniforms and line our oxfords up to be polished once a week, My brothers wore cord pants and a white shirt.
We had ratty play clothes that we changed into. I would make my boys do the same with their jeans cause I didn’t want to wash them daily.
one thing I wish I had back then were wipes cause that would have helped keep the little bottoms cleaner.
Even for two people laundry can pile up quickly. Work uniforms that I have to wash for both Wrangler and I do not help any. Working full time does not help the fact. I know tomorrow on my day off the washer and dryer will be running non stop trying to get caught up.
This is so funny. My favorite is when random missing items resurface. I’d had a crib quilt (yes a thick baby blanket just up and walked away) disappear since my oldest was about a year old. Then it magically reappeared 2 years later when her sister was born… convenient, but strange.
well.. you need to hire someone. like i did in my dream.
just beware that she doesn’t try to dig her way out through your floor.
love this post. hate my laundry!
Ahaha! I have a pile in my basement that never seems to get any smaller! No matter how much I try to make a dent in it, low and behold, the next day it’s back to being huge! Sheesh.
Dirty clothes are like Tribbles… Soft and cuddly. But the mortal enemies of all homemakers due to their nasty habit of multiplying in the blink of an eye and completely taking over.
That is super funny because I am reading this with a pile of laundry I need to fold NOW. I think I am ok with washing and hanging, but I just hate folding and putting it away! If I don’t do it immediately, it does just pile up for a week or two haha.
@Texasjillcarmel - when they shuck their jeans after school, I fold them and put them back in the drawer, unless they have dirt on them, ha! I can’t decide if uniforms would lessen my laundry load or make it more stressful to find the pieces in the morning before school!
@mrswrangler - The clothes can pile up fast! And when it was just the two of us we had to constantly do laundry then too, so you’re right!
@sheWroteAblog - My theory is that it goes to other people’s houses via magical dryers. You know how sometimes you see something in the laundry and you think, “When did we get THIS? I’ve never seen it before in my life?” That’s when it’s come to your house from someone else. Eventually it will go back.
@grace_to_be - The problem with laundry workers is that they’re so crazy! Just like the laundry.
@CuddlyKat - Yes, the pile on my bed is like that. It seems like one time we caught it up. It lasted like a day then it was as big as ever.
@firetyger - Exactly. You totally get it.
@TaleOfAScale - when my husband says he did laundry, but he didn’t fold it an put it away, I always tell him he did not do laundry. He just moved it to different locations.
This had me LOLing the whole time! So true!!
@aSeriesofFortunateEvents - Same. I can wash and dry all day, but putting it away….no. I usually just pile it all on top of the ironing board.
we had to hang our uniforms up. They were wool checked skirts and white blouse,
some of the schools here have a khaki pants and golf shirt with nothing on it at all.
My favorite work pants have gone MIA from my laundry. If you find them at your house tell them I miss them and they need to come back home!
Been there done that! With two growing kids who were in sports, it was an unending job. Fortunately I had a cleaning lady who did all the laundry. But the weekends got to me always. You with five little ones, have to have a medal of valor for standing up to the promiscuous laundry saga.
Funny post.
@Emily_Rose_Dreams - I will! And if my superman tshirt shows up at your house, you do the same for me, okay?
@ZSA_MD - Yes, all the clothing/shirts/equipment for the activities on TOP of the regular clothes!
The laundry and I have a quite a disfunctional relationship
Hahaha! Love it! I can’t imagine laundry with 7 people!!!!
I barely keep up with 3!
lol..you are hilarious! I cant even imagine how much laundry you must do. I do two loads a day pretty much every single day and I only have two kids.
it migrates. it mates. shudder. ewwwww. with mutant offspring, yes. we have that here too.
you are so hilarious.
Oh such a sad truth!! Mt. Washmore never ever ends here. Just as soon as I get it down to a small mole hill, they are ripping clothes off and adding it to the pile. It’s a rat race that never ends!